Pt. 1 established how important it is, in achieving sustainable health and fitness, to learn how to direct your emotions, focusing on the huge role language plays in how you feel as well as the importance of upgrading your identity. When you are able to elevate the definitions of how you define yourself at your core, you’ll have no choice but to raise your results to be consistent with that new identity. One of the fundamental truths of human beings is that we hate being inconsistent.

We’ll do anything to make ourselves feel consistent, to reconcile between our outward reality and inward reality. Most people dabble with an exciting new thought of who they think they can be or should be, try a few scattered actions, don’t achieve enough positive results, and sink back down to low expectations because it is less painful than having a mismatch between their expectations and outward reality.

This is a great tragedy and squandering of emotional resources. It is that pain where your power lies. Pain, frustration, and even a little confusion are precursors to breaking through, shifting your paradigm, raising your game to a whole new echelon. Don’t waste those powerful emotions by sinking back into mediocrity. Those are calls to action.  Most people experience that pain and go, “oh crap, get me out of here,” and hurry back down to where it is comfortable.

You do want to move out of pain; it is an acute state that is not meant to last. Move out of pain in the other direction though. Don’t let yourself sink your expectations to match your crappy results. That is a cheap trick to play on yourself and you deserve better than that. Onward and upward. Keep your standards high and manage your pain to drive you toward new actions, new solutions, and new results. This what you have done for every accomplishment you’ve achieved in your life that you are most proud of.

Why doesn’t everyone do this or why don’t we do this in every area of our lives? Certainty. When you’ve been outstanding in the past you believed whole-heatedly you would get there. You were deeply connected to that end result and never wavered about it. Were you given a crystal ball look into the future? No. But something made you feel your goal was absolutely in your reach and that you would achieve it and you did. To others it was something daunting, something huge. To you, it was something big but not out of reach.

Why could you get yourself to know you would succeed while others doubted?

And that is the crux of what I want to get across here in terms of the other major success factor in my body transformation. If certainty is the difference in how committed we’ll be in our pursuits, how do we get certainty? References.

I grew certain I would be an athlete and be a respectable fighter when I gained those references. The gym where my son trains, had men in their fifties who would run circles around me, were fit, tough, and good fighters. These weren’t full time fighters. They were family men, corporate guys with day jobs. Suddenly I had living and breathing references right in front of me, facing the same life circumstances in terms of family and stress from work, yet they were making it happen and I wasn’t. This pissed me off because I now knew it was absolutely doable and my reasons for not succeeding were false.

We need references that could claim our same excuses or have even more reasons not to succeed but triumph nevertheless.

A few weeks ago I met a gentleman who has achieved tremendous financial success, bought his dream car in his early 30’s, a Ferrari, built a huge house on a hill with tons of acreage, owns a boat, and everything his family ever wanted. Not long after his financial success, his uncle then proceeded to grow his business from an average operation that just pays the bills into a multi-million dollar corporation.

The unlce thanked the nephew for inspiring him. The nephew was puzzled and couldn’t think of any inspiring conversation they had ever had and wondered what his uncle meant. His uncle replied, “When you bought your Ferrari, I knew that I could acheive much more than what I had been. I watched you grow up and if a little snot nose punk like you can do it. I can do it.”

This happens all of the time in every area of life. It is most obvious in sports. An athlete comes along and breaks barriers no one thought was possible, does things no one had ever done. Soon thereafter, a new athlete comes along who plays at the same level. This shocks people. A freak of nature, “the best ever” retires and all of the sudden within a few years we’re talking about another potential “best-ever?” How can this be? How could it take the entire documented history to see someone achieve such dominance and all of the sudden a near equal pops up almost immediately?

I remember thinking that Michael Jordan would always be in a class of his own. But immediately players cropped up that approach that level and may end up with Jordan-like careers like Kobe Bryant for example. Kobe was on track to be a pro athlete so using Jordan as a reference wasn’t a stretch for him. Kobe respected what Michael had done but did not deify him as someone whose talent was unapproachable or super-human. You and I need references that empower us.

Have you ever had a very close friend achieve success in a new area of life and then you followed suit shortly after? Why wait for your very close friend to get fit — how about building new friendships with people who are already fit?

That is a major reason I am passionate about what I do. I know you need references of guys “like you.”

I AM YOU. Read my about story.

I want you to take this into action now and make your reference base so freaking rock solid, that the thought of you not being able to grow vital and fit will seem ridiculous.

Exercise:

1. Recall all of the strong success stories in your life and solidify that part of your memory bank. Take any and all major accomplishments in any area of life you have ever had and get associated with those memories. Turn up full color, touch ‘em, feel ‘em, hear them. Know that is the real you. That is who you are and if you figured those things out, solved them, your going to solve this too. Write down a key word or phrase that will remind you of these memories in your journal.

2. Seek out fit Dads in your area that used to share your excuses, or “challenges” as you like to affectionately refer to them, who share your same life circumstances but have gotten fit nonetheless. These should be men that you respect. Become affiliated with them. Maybe it is a tennis club. Maybe it is a hiking group. Maybe it is a martial arts gym. Sign up for an athletic event that links your successful completion to charity. Or my favorite, a Kettlebell class.

The point is that if you want to be successful long term in your quest, you need absolute certainty this will happen. And you do that with references. References can be from your memory bank, they can come from stories, social media connections (me), but the best are the ones in the flesh. You need those to counteract the other living negative references that you can’t escape: relatives or Co-workers that you’re going to have be around who have more excuses than you do. Be with them as needed but don’t let their reality penetrate yours.

It is your new affiliation that will automatically raise your standards and open up new possibilities. When you get out of your shell, embrace a little discomfort for a greater more enduring benefit, magic happens. This quest really isn’t about weight-loss my friend. It is a metaphor for achieving everything you want in life. So make sure you enjoy the journey.